Badtux the Snarky Penguin

In a time of chimpanzees, I was a penguin.

Religious fundamentalists are motivated by the sneaking suspicion that someone, somewhere, is having fun -- and that this must be stopped.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

How's Warblogger Appreciation Month going?

As I reported earlier this month, May is Warblogger Appreciation Month, a month in celebration of warbloggers and the only sex they ever get in their citadels in their mother's basements. So what are they up to?

Doughy Pantsload (Jonah Goldberg): Apparently kidnapped by aliens who cloned him. Unfortunately, all that pusillant dough caused the alien flying saucer to explode, returning more doughy pantsload to Earth than was kidnapped in the first place.

Josh Trevino ("Tacitus"): Flaps his feathers and goes "cluck cluck cluck cluck CLUUUCK!" when confronted with the question "if you support the war so much, why don't you enlist?". Last seen hiding behind the washing machine in his mother's basement, whimpering in fear that some mean liberal was going to hunt him down and force him to leave his momma's basement and go into, like, DAYLIGHT, and get SHOT AT.

Confused Wanna-be-White Dude (Adam Yoshida) is shuddering in fear of slanty-eyed Asians and was last spotted sobbing, curled up in the fetal position in a corner of his mother's basement, because someone hurt his feelings by pointing out that *he* was a slanty-eyed Asian...

Preznit Horse Wanker was last spotted hiding under the desk in his daddy's old office, whimpering to Karl Rove, they're being defeated, and that's why they fight, right? At the last cabinet meeting, Donald Rumsfeld made Preznit Horse Wanker cry by saying that, because the Preznit hadn't fulfilled his National Guard committment, Donald was activating him and sending him to Iraq. Since then, nobody has been able to get Georgie out from under Daddy's desk.

So how is YOUR favorite warblogger celebrating Warblogger Appreciation Month? And has anybody asked him yet, "Why aren't you in Iraq?" Leave comments below. This penguin doesn't really want to know, but has a strange compulsion anyhow, perhaps somewhat like the compulsion that leads lemmings headlong over a cliff. The horror, oh the horror! The pusilent trembling pale flabby biceps with the tattoo of the Pilsbury Doughboy, the mascot of the 101st Fighting keyboarders! The dazzling flights of illogic and made-up "facts"! The stench of unwashed warblogger that hasn't left Mommy's basement since 9/11! Oh the horror!

-- Badtux the "Strangely fascinated by horror movies" Penguin

Posted by: BadTux / 5/24/2005 12:46:00 AM  


Religious fundamentalists are motivated by the sneaking suspicion that someone, somewhere, is having fun

And I am that guy.

Love your commentary
# posted by NewsBlog 5000 : 24/5/05 4:03 AM  

LOL! Loved it! :)
# posted by Desi : 24/5/05 6:00 AM  

Confused Wanna-be-White Dude (Adam Yoshida) is shuddering in fear of slanty-eyed Asians and was last spotted sobbing because someone hurt his feelings by pointing out that *he* was a slanty-eyed Asian...

Haw! Haw! Haw! You forgot to mention that, to compound his confusion, he's also a wanna-be American as well (he's actually Canadian). How's that for double confusion? Maybe he can commiserate with Michelle Malkin, fellow self-hating slanty-eyed Asian and a wanna-be-white-supremacist.

Drumwolf, a slanty-eyed Asian and proud of it.
# posted by drumwolf : 24/5/05 8:24 AM  

The Poor Man noted this very problem several months ago. The declining reenlistment rates among the 101st Keyboarders, if allowed to continue, will soon cause a critical shortage in our nation's precious supply of shrill, bloviating right-wing bullshit. Without that invaluable shitscreen, people might start to notice that we've lost 1644 American lives, killed 24,000+ Iraqis, and spent $171 billion on a war based on nothing but bald-faced lies.

And that, folks, would be very bad for recruitment.
# posted by Pope Horatio Tyrannosaurus Nixon Rex : 24/5/05 9:08 AM  

H.L Mencken said:
"Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy."
He also said: "Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats."

I like Mencken. And Ambrose Bierce was his Godfather.
# posted by JT Davis : 25/5/05 8:07 AM  

I like Mencken too, SJS. Indeed, the tagline at the top of my blog was adapted from Mencken's comments about Puritans (I was reading the actual essay in question at the time, I forget the name of it, sigh, this penguin is becoming bird-brained in his old age), but updated for modern conditions since nowdays folks think Puritans are some folks with funny hats who sell chickens rather than some folks who outlawed dancing and liked burning girls to death for being uppity "witches". But say "religious fundamentalist", and blammo! People know who you're talking about before you get the last consonant out.

Mencken was a misanthrope of the first order, and believed that democracy was inherently doomed by the fact that the common man knows what he wants and wants what he knows, and in a democracy darn well gets it good and hard. I cannot agree completely with Mencken. Parlimentary democracies in particular seem to work a lot better than Mencken's experience of American "democracy" with its emphasis upon strong-man rule rather than consensus-building amongst members of a coalition. But more on that later...

- Badtux the Democracy-loving Penguin
# posted by BadTux : 25/5/05 10:07 PM  

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"Keep fighting for freedom and justice, beloveds, but don't forget to have fun doin' it. Lord, let your laughter ring forth. Be outrageous, ridicule the fraidy-cats, rejoice in all the oddities that freedom can produce." -- Molly Ivins, 1944-2007 "The penalty good men pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men."

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